I’m sure it has all happened to us. We are out in public, minding our own business, and all of a sudden we look over a shoulder and someone is staring at us. There could be a few reasons why they are staring, but no matter the reason, we could start to feel uncomfortable, or inadequate.
Staring not only affects the person with a disability, but those with them: friends, family members, a loved one. While I will go into reasons as to why strangers could be staring, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is the reaction and hold you give this.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Even though I do not know who is credited as saying it, this quote is so true. You are the one that decides how a stranger staring in public is going to affect you. You can choose to let it make you feel inferior, inadequate, weird, or you can let it make you feel empowered, confident, or in a position of providing education.
But, why?
In my experience, most of the time people stare is out of curiosity. However, they could show their curiosity in a better, less rude, way. When I notice someone staring, this is what my self-talk is like.
“Oh, that person is looking at me. Do I have something on my face? Nope. Okay, well they probably haven’t seen a young(er) person in the community own their own before. Let’s show them how it’s done.” – By the way, I am holding on to the notion that I am still in the younger demographic group. I refuse to believe that I’m getting older.
So then, I just go on my merry way of defying stereotypes and stigmas. I may not be able to feel, or use, most of my body, but I can get groceries, work out, go shopping, or anything else that I want to do. People stare at what they are unfamiliar with. Maybe they want to know what life is like for you, but are too afraid to ask.
Don’t think that’s the reason? Here are a few more:
- People stare out of admiration. Maybe they admire you for not letting your disability keep you down. Maybe, they want to be more like you: the confident being that you are.
- People stare because they want to initiate a conversation with you; and they are too scared.
- People stare at what they are attracted to. Maybe, the person finds you so pretty (or handsome) that they can’t help it; they have to stare. (*My personal favorite reason – I will take a confidence booster wherever I can!)
- And, of course, people do stare out of judgement. Hard to believe, I know, that some people to judge others, but it does happen. If this is the case, judgement always comes out of their own insecurities. It is them that needs to change habits, not yours.
So, how are we supposed to react?
There are many different ways in which we can react to those staring at us. Some, are not healthy for us and can make us feel worse about ourselves, while others can keep building our self-love and self-confidence. I’m going to stick to those!
Reaction #1
Don’t let it phase you one bit. Take note that it’s happening, but just move on with your day and not let it affect you. I’m sure this is the hardest thing to do for some people, but it’s really a state of confidence. Reacting this way shows others (and yourself) that you are confident with who you are, and your abilities, and it doesn’t matter if people watch. *Remember, people are most likely 
staring out of curiosity. Show them how *real* people with disabilities function in everyday life.
Reaction #2
Look at them, and smile. You could even say something to them, but you would have to really watch what comes out of your mouth. You would not want it coming out as rude. This could turn that person off completely from getting to know anyone with a disability; and that could inhibit future laws or bills from being passed that are desperately needed. They could look back on their experience with you and think that all persons with disabilities react like that and we would lose an ally. Over generalizing, I know, but it happens.
Reaction #3
Ask them if they need help. Maybe they have a question, or need help in someway and their staring is how they are attempting to ask. If you see them staring, and you cannot let it go, simply ask “Can I help you with something? I see you looking over here.” Maybe that can start a conversation that educates that person on being around someone with a disability.
No matter how you react, I challenge you to figure out a way to do it positively. Remember, even though you are not in control of the staring, you are in control of how the staring affects you. You can choose to let it bother you or you can choose to brush it off. And, I hope you choose to brush it off. What was that song from Jay-Z? “Get that dirt off your shoulders”?? If it won’t matter in 5 minutes that someone was staring at you, it probably is not worth worrying about in the moment.
I hope this helps enlighten as to why some people may stare and some ways to react to it. I always, always try to be positive when educating others. They just simply might not know, or have ever been around such a bomb.com person.
As always, feel free to comment here, on any social media platform (FB, TW, & IG: @wheellifeblog; Snapchat: @megsh8), or send me an e-mail: megs@thewheellifeblog.com! I would love to hear from you!
Let’s Grow & Grind!
Megs